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133 Puzzles/Mysteries/The Jellygraph

September 10th, 2010

The Jellygraph is any copy of the Telegraph broadsheet Newspaper that features attractive women and encourages it’s largely middle aged, middle classed, frustrated middle England gentleman readership to go into trap two for a quick fumble of the framblies.

A firm and upright favourite is A’ Level result week – featuring young Tamara Sopwith and her best friends Bunty, Hetty and Lady Sara Bottom-Quimby, leaping like frolicking salmon in tight fitting tops and belt sized skirts, holding their freshly opened results a loft in triumphant, erect nipple, nubile joy. This is always accompanied by a much smaller picture inset of an 8 year old Asian kid getting an A* pass in maths.  

Ascot week is for the less discerning gentleman when amongst the traditional, tempting, posh-totty fare, ladies from Essex are given an airing. Tottering dollies with big hats and bigger cleavages creating a modern day My Fair Lady. The obligatory drunken female beaver shot is displayed discreetly in the left hand corner under the headline ‘Sure thing filly displays her 3 to 1 carpet spread bet.’

Failing these events there will always be either a cleavage shot of JK Rowling at a book signing, a cleavage shot of Helen Mirren at a premier, a cleavage shot of Joanna Lumley at a Ghurka or a cleavage shot of Jools Oliver breast feeding.

What flavour jelly? It’s not strawberry.

The Jellygraph vertical equivalent to Razzle magazine’s 11 girl pile up classic (1973, August edition, number 372). You know; the stack, the bundle, the pile on, block of flaps. Ask your dad, its a classic.