Dave Gorman Quote

I've just seen this on the superb The Rough Guide to British Cult Comedy, a quote from Dave Gorman:

'The best comedy isn’t about pandering to the audience’s sense of humour, it’s about persuading them to your sense of humour – I want to watch a comedian doing material that no one else could do, not some interchangeable jokes that anyone on the bill could have swapped around.'

Spot on. 

A fabulous new post from the Guide To Everything.

A fabulous new post from Cult Comedy's Guide To Everything.

126 Prophecies/Scary Prophecy/The End of Days

August 31st, 2010

The End Time or End of Days has various meanings in different religions. The Jesus janglers reckon it’s a time of tribulation and the Messiah will usher in the kingdom of god. Your Jew will tell you it is the coming of Mashiach, the anointed king. And a Muslim will point at the day of Judgement, Allah’s final assessment of humanity. Fortunately they are all wrong. It’s not as bad as that. Phew! Coz your average human doesn’t stand a chance against the erratic perfection of omnipotent god. (see  41 Puzzles/Mysteries/Omnipotence Paradox).

The actual end of days is a time prophesied by the Great Mungo in 150,000BC. You can now see the problem with this BC/AD malarkey. The span of recorded history is thought to be 5,000 years but little do scientists know enlightened, writing humans have been around a lot longer. It was just that they were sensible and kept their numbers small so they weren’t a strain on the planet, and that’s why they don’t appear in the fossil record. Natural de-selection eroded this enlightened god like being until they became the fornicating sex obsessed planet plunderers we have today.

The Great Mungo 152,010 years ago foresaw the final battle between good and evil, between greed and sharing, between Bill Gates and Benedict Farse. All subsequent legends have been based on this one true prophecy: Cain and Able, Jesus and the Devil, Kylie and Jason just tawdry copy cat imitations. And Mungo in his wisdom decided to leave out the detail as to who was the good guy and who was the baddie. That is for you to decide. Who do you choose? The Lamb or the Beast? Team Gates or Team Farse?

You know the form. Buy a T-Shirt. Make your choice.

Top 10 Cult Comedy List

Amazon have a Top 10 Cult Comedy list. Lists are impossible to get right, but the author J.S. Teare has had a good go:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Top-Cult-Comedy-You-Have/lm/R3NAHTUIV5J1LT

Here is the list:

1) Brass Eye - The master Chris Morris actually gets the number one and two spot. Chris Morris once stood behind me at the Soho Theatre at a packed Jerry Sadowitz gig. Happiest day of my life. 

2) Day to Day - Chris Morris, Armando Iannucci and Coogan. I saw Armando give a lecture on media at some government office in Whitehall back in the 90's. We went for a beer afterwards and I met his wife. Lovely, lovely couple. 

3) Garth Marenghi - My mate Bereftwick hates this. He is very old fashioned. I must get a copy.

4) Mighty Boosch - Genius (a term used too much these days, but this really is Renaissance Man type genius). I often see Julian Barrett at my local (Coach n Horses). He is a very excellent bloke. Check out his stand up - astonishing beauteousness

5) Catterick - I haven't got this, and this is why lists are excellent. I didn't know about this until I read the article. I'm a huge fan of Morwenna Banks, Vic and Bob too. Reece Shearsmith too (Surprised The League of Gentleman didn't make the cut). On my 'Desire Pyre'.

6) Curb Your Enthu... I can never remember the name of this hugely popular American confection. Stumps everyone down the pub too. Highly suspicious of this. Not sure I like it. Not really my cuppa.

7) Black Books - Seeing Bill Bailey play the piano with spoons is up there with the chandelier scene from only fools and horses. Fantastic farce sitcom. 

8) Spaced - Simon Pegg - does films with Tom Cruise now (Mission Impossible). And Eddie Izzard does too (Valkyrie). Wonderful series with stunning performances by Mark Heap.

9) Peep Show - I can't stand this. Hugely popular in the UK. Each to their own.

10) The Big Lebowski - Superb. So many good scenes and memorable performances. Withnail and I or the Big Lebowski? Watch em both. 

So many big names missed of that list; Withnail and I,  League of Gentlemen, Alan Partridge, Chance in a Million, Some Mother's, Flight of the Conchords to name but a few. But which would you replace on that list? Peep Show obviously, relegate that to the back of the class, but who else? Preposterously difficult.

Here is a picture of the beautiful Morwenna Banks to take your mind off this impossible task.

Morwenna Banks even looks gorgeous with a beard. Stoney Bridge!

Past Post on Guide To Everything to be made into a sketch for television.

Past Post on Cult Comedy's Guide To Everything to be made into a sketch for television.

69 Creativity/Inventions/Dinosaurs

March 14th, 2010 | by admin |

The Reverend Hesston Cambridge invented the Dinosaur in 1675, as a test of the faithful. In 1650 bishop James Ussher studied the genealogies of the Old Testament, and calculated the Earth was created in 4004B.C. Hesston fabricated the femur of the Megalosaurus, to make it appear 230 million years old and call into question the age of the Earth, and so the validity of the Bible and the word of God. The Rev. then got busy burying manufactured dinosaur remains all over 

Britain

 for erstwhile scientists to uncover, figure out, and collect. Like crop circles, dinosaur counterfeiting soon caught on and the Holy men of the World’s religions started to join in fooling the palaeontologists. Hesston realised it was getting out of control, and in a fit of guilt and panic started leaving clues that would alert the bone experts. He gave the T-Rex tiny thalidomide arms and a big head to make it look impossibly ridiculous, he made the Megalosaur femur look like a pair of human testicles indicating it was all bollocks (Richard Brookes in 1763 actually named it Scrotum Humanum and still didn’t twig), and in an act of total desperation created the Diplodocus, a ludicrously long necked dinosaur that looks like a duck. Unfortunately, the academic community loved it, and the other Holy men were only encouraged to compete, thus spawning the Brontosaurus, Pterodactyl and Cro-Magnon Man. People it seemed were ready to believe another lie. His test had backfired, his ruse was shaking the foundations of religion, and people were losing faith.

Hesston feared for his life, if his subterfuge were ever discovered. He feared for his soul too and prayed for forgiveness until his death of rickets at the age of 45. God was too busy being Omnipotent to notice the Rev. Cambridge’s hoax, but nevertheless claimed it as part of his divine plan. Palaeontologists uncovered Hesston’s last attempt at an apology in 2001; the Latrinosaur, a 600-foot tall winged creature that resembles a lavatory, complete with cistern and flushing mechanism. In its 60-foot beak was inscribed an intricate confession and apology, detailing the methods used to fossilise bone and feathers, and techniques for authentic burial. The BBC has bought the silence of those scientists, and the evidence destroyed, in the process dooming the planet to a diet of increasingly realistic dinosaur documentaries.

Hesston’s first clue the T-Rex; impossibly ridiculous.