Another bullseye from Breeze and Fabric's Guide to Everything

Another bullseye from Breeze and Fabric's Guide to Everything

134 Humans/Races/The Spanish

September 13th, 2010

If you give a Spaniard a fish you feed him for a day. If you teach a Spaniard to fish he’ll be off the coast of 

Cornwall trawling by morning. This expression sums up one aspect of their ‘entrepreneurial’ character. And also points to their love of killing animals in bizarrely cruel ways. Goats pushed from tall towers, beating donkeys with enormous spiked sticks and the ironically titled ‘bull fighting’ are the better known and documented versions of their ‘sporting’ prowess.

However, there is a darker side. What is harder than skinning a puppy alive? A Spaniard’s cock as he is doing it.

Not all Spaniards are demented blood freaks. Some have evolved to extreme racism, as displayed by the despicable taunts to black people or the Chinese at numerous world sporting occasions. They make Prince Philip look like an ordinary member of the BNP.

John Cleese was paid an enormous sum of money by the Spanish Government to produce the best sitcom in the world, Fawlty Towers, featuring a lovable, bumbling, harmless Spaniard named Manual, so that the rest of Spain could get on being racist and animal torturing while the rest of the world thought them adorable. Cleese didn’t need the money, but being a supreme comedy god decided to take on the impossible challenge to prove his omnipotence (see 41 Puzzles/Mysteries/Omnipotence Paradox)

In an act of uncharacteristic selflessness, Russ Brand and Johnny Ross tried in vain to expose the injustice during the Sachsgate debacle. But such is the power of Cleese’s superb writing, the nation were not ready for the horrible truth.

The Cat-Bin Lady, Mary Bale, 45, is one sixteenth Spanish on her mother’s side.

 Right in the Bullocks!